SAME-SEX MARRIAGE VOTE - A BITTERSWEET VICTORY

On Monday, the Minnesota Senate passed the bill to legalize same-sex marriage in our state. I fully support same-sex marriage and applaud the legislature’s action.  Last fall, I volunteered with the Minnesotans United Campaign to defeat the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.  I am a person of faith. I’m an active member of a church community. I’ve been married to a man for 33 years and we have one child.  And I am delighted that our gay and lesbian friends, family members, co-workers, fellow citizens will now, if they choose, be able to marry the person they love and with whom they wish to publicly and legally commit to a life together.

That said, I don’t believe our state had mandate toward acceptance of gay marriage when the proposed constitutional amendment was defeated last fall.  And we are still very much a state divided despite the fact that this bill has passed and will become law.  Unfortunately, that division will continue to cause hurt, pain, and discrimination toward not only toward the gay community, but also for those who so strongly disagree with each other.  I have found it incredibly disheartening and disturbing to read so many mean-spirited, angry comments in the pages of this news source, as well as others on the topic of the same-sex marriage vote. Strong differences of opinion based on one’s faith, beliefs, and values are certainly understandable, but name-calling and malice on either side of any issue is  not helpful to anyone or to their side’s argument.

A few legislators talked about voting for the bill despite the fact that the majority of their constituents were not in favor.   And while I don’t know that I think that’s the ‘right’ way to use elected office, (I’d be furious if my elected official didn’t represent my view if it was that of the majority of their constituents), I can’t say with certainty what I might have done in their place.  Vote your own heart and conscience and against what the majority of those who elected you believe and want, or vote the majority’s wish and then have to deal with forgiving yourself for not standing up for your own convictions and conscience.  That would be an incredibly tough place to be.

The ongoing discussion last fall about whether or not the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex marriage was so good on many levels. Lots of people were talking. They were telling their stories, sharing their thoughts, their struggles, their opinions, and their strongly held views in many forums—their workplaces, places of worship, coffee shops, and around family dinner tables. People shared very personal stories, some of which had never been openly shared before. Many gained new insights and new understandings by hearing those stories. And at the end of the day—many voted against the amendment because they fully support same-sex marriage and others voted against the amendment, not because they support same-sex marriage, but because they felt very strongly about protecting the sanctity of the constitution, or because they wanted more discussion on the issue.

During the campaign to defeat the amendment, those of us who were making phone calls and door knocking used the argument that voting no allowed the conversation on the topic to continue.  If the constitution was amended, that would completely stop the conversation about same-sex marriage in its tracks and it would be much harder to raise the issue again. That was absolutely true. And I talked about that in my campaign phone conversations.  But I am wondering if those who voted no, with the hope that that the conversation would continue, feel cheated somehow, or at the very least, frustrated that an ongoing conversation didn’t have a longer timeframe.

From the campaign’s point of view—momentum had begun and needed to be built on. The time was now. That makes complete sense, from a political perspective.  I have no statistics on how divided people were when other legislation made huge changes in society—giving women the right to vote, desegregating schools, legalizing interracial marriage, etc.  Certainly the “anti” side was angry, made mean-spirited comments and gave their best efforts toward defeating or overturning those changes which hugely impacted societal norms of the day.  We are now immensely grateful that that those laws did change, that vigorous campaigners had the courage to fight for them, and that they were not overturned.  Our society is stronger and richer because laws changed in favor of equality.

How long will it take until this change—allowing same-sex marriage—won’t be cause for  mean-spirited, angry, hateful rhetoric from some, and for others, sincere heartbreak and sadness because it conflicts with strong beliefs.  Only time will tell.  I am certain that my grandchildren and their children won’t have to struggle with this particular issue. By the time they are voters, this will all be ancient history and a non-issue.  The thought of that makes my heart smile.  In the meantime, I hope that conversation will go on, that stories will continue to be shared and that we will speak to each other with open hearts and minds. I hope that we will listen to each other, especially to those with whom we disagree—with understanding, compassion, goodwill and love.  We are all flawed humans who deal with the same struggles and challenges that life presents. We’re in this together. We are all profoundly connected and more similar than different. Our challenge is to learn to live together in harmony and with respect for each other, even when we disagree.